Extending Grace in Marriage

Remember that time you undercooked the rice for the third time in a row and your husband extended you grace when you had to go out to eat yet again? Or maybe he didn't extend any grace and made you feel like a failure. (Or maybe I'm the only one who's ever been in this situation)

Grace: unmerited pardon or favor (my definition)

Grace. We all hope to receive it when we mess up, but we're kinda stingy when extending it towards others, right? But why is that? Hasn't God extended us massive amounts of grace by sacrificing His son to die so that we might have eternal life? And doesn't he continue to extend us grace on a daily basis when we mess up or refuse to put Him first in our lives? We don't deserve to have a personal relationship with our perfect God, but He grants us the grace to do so because He loves us. Scripture says:

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. 

And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

-Ephesians 2:8

God extends us His grace as a gift. We haven't earned it and we certainly don't deserve it. Don't you think this is a good model in how to treat our spouses? We should be happy for the chance to extend grace to our spouse simply because we are filled with the joy and thankfulness of knowing that God has first extended grace to us. Yes we should be extending grace towards our spouses (and other people as well) any chance we get, but its not that simple because our sinful selfish selves get in the way don't they? So how do we begin to shut out our selfishness and show grace? 

The only way to do this is through prayer and Christ working in you. Pick a verse and pray it over yourself. Pray to be convicted when you react in anger instead of grace and love. If you continue to pray these things then they will be fresh in your mind and God will begin to convict you when you are reacting wrongfully. Its not an easy thing to extend grace, but with the help and grace of God all things are possible. The two verses that I'm praying over myself are:

"A soft answer turns away wrath, 

but a harsh word stirs up anger."

 - Proverbs 15:1

"Let every person be quick to hear, 

slow to speak, and slow to anger; 

for the anger of man does not produce

 the righteousness that God requires." 

- James 1:19-20

If reacting in anger and withholding grace is something that you struggle with then I suggest getting into the word and letting the Holy Spirit show you a verse or two to memorize. Then repeat your verse throughout the days and weeks ahead and pray it over yourself daily. "For God is working in you giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him." - Philippians 2:13 

Remember no one this side of heaven is perfect, but that is no excuse to show harshness and anger towards our spouses. Next time you find yourself irritated or angry towards your spouse just repeat your memory verse and remember that Christ has extended you grace. No they don't deserve it, but neither do you. It won't be easy, but with God it is possible!!